I Can't Think of Decent Fanfic Titles to Save my Life
by Leto
Part 5
Ash carries Pikachu as they run towards the Pokemon Centre.
"Hang in there, Pikachu," he says, his voice choking up, background music swelling sadly behind him. A backdrop of stars appear. "Pikachu, it would be eternal night if you didn't survive this." A tear hovers, threatening to fall.
"Oh, stop being so melodramatic," snaps Misty.
The music stops, the backdrop disappears and Ash sticks his tongue out.
"Just 'cos YOU never get any heart warming scenes!"
"Are you suggesting I'm jealous!"
"Of course! Who wouldn't be!"
"Jealous? Of you? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Shut up, both of you," scowls Jessie, stumbling along behind them. "I'm sick of your bickering."
"You're just jealous too," says Ash.
"Of what?"
"Of the fact that *I* get heart warming scenes and nobody else does!"
"Heart... warming... isn't that what your heart does right before it stops?"
Ash sweatdrops.
"Anyway, I'm sure I *would* have a heartwarming scene with my poor injured Arbok here, but it's very DIFFICULT when the Pokemon is SO BLOODY HEAVY to carry!"
Heartwarming scenes do work better when it's something cute-'n'-cuddly like a Pikachu or Butterfree. Struggling along with a giant purple cobra doesn't make for audience empathy.
*audience laughs at Jessie*
See?
Jessie mutters "I hate you all."
Misty mutters "If I hear the phrase 'heartwarming' one more time..."
Arbok looks sad that nobody feels any sympathy for him.
The three travellers reach the Pokemon Center. It looks... well, just like every other Pokemon Center. Then, they step inside.
"Woahhh, cool!" says Jessie.
Inside the Pokemon Center, the walls are painted red and black. Rock music is blaring. The Chansey have been replaced with Kadabra, who use their telekinetic powers to move the patients. Nurse Joy sits behind the counter. She wears a black leather jacket and jeans. Her pink hair is in a spiked ponytail. Her big blue eyes peer out over black sunglasses.
"Hmm... I'm not sure the red on the walls is a very tactful colour choice for a centre for injured Pokemon..." says Misty drily.
Nurse Joy gets up to meet them.
"Hi, Nurse Joy," says Ash, "could you please help my-"
"I am NOT Nurse Joy," snaps the nurse, "call me Jay... Nurse Joy sounds so... prissy, don'tcha think?"
Ash smiles a bit nervously. "Sure, Jay, whatever you reckon... umm, could you help my Pikachu now?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And my... oof... Arbok!"
Jessie unceremoniously dumps Arbok on the ground.
"Nurse J-, er Jay, this is a very... unique Pokemon Center."
"I dare to be different! I am the individual of the family!"
Misty says diplomatically "It must be tough living in a family where everyone's the same. Must be a lot of pressure."
"No pressure," grins the nurse, "'cos I'm not one of them, man..."
Jessie snaps "Look, shut up already and help our Pokemon. We're in a hurry."
Jay looks like she's about to argue.
"Just @&^# do your job!"
Jay takes the Pokemon into a backroom. (Pikachu in her arms, Arbok dragged behind her.)
"Boka, charbok!"
Meaning, "I hate this fanfic."
***
Jessie stands, waiting impatiently, checking her watch. Nurse Joy comes out with Pikachu and Arbok floating behind her, courtesy of a Kadabra.
"Your Arbok has a serious condition. It's -"
"Yeah, thanks Jay, let's go guys!" says Jessie, instantly picking up her Pokemon and dragging Ash, Pikachu and Misty through the door. "Love to stay and chat, Jay, but duty calls, heheh."
"They'll see," mutters Joy as they leave. "Not listening to my warning about that Arbok will be a major downfall. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The unique Joy laughed until a Kadabra pointed out the whole room was staring at her nervously. She smiled waveringly and went back to her position behind the front desk.
***
"Hey.... where'd Meowth go?"
Ash, Jessie and Misty are pushing their boat into the water. At Misty's comment, Jessie takes notice. "He's... not here?"
"He's not been here for ages!"
She sighs, but says "we can't waste more time! We have to find James!"
"And Squirtle!"
"And Horsea, Staryu and Starmie!"
Jessie swings into the boat and the others follow suit.
"Alright, not a problem," says Misty. "To make the boat go faster, gooo, Pokemon!"
Her remaining two Pokemon appear from their balls and splash into the water. Goldeen takes the boat in her mouth, but Psyduck just flounders around for a few minutes, before Misty gets the point - it can't swim.
"Psyduck, return," she sighs.
Ash holds up a map of the area.
"Uh... I think we go this way," he says, pointing.
"How can you tell?" asks Misty, "the whole map is just blue!"
Ash sweatdrops.
"That's not a map!" snaps Jessie, "that's a VCR assembly leaflet! See, it folds in like this!"
Ash gets a sweatdrop again. "So that's what those lines meant. I thought this one meant 'north', and that there was Cinnabar."
"That's the v hold button!" says Jessie, also getting a sweatdrop. "How do you manage to travel anywhere?!"
"We get where we need to," mutters Ash.
"After weeks of wandering around lost," adds Misty, glaring at Ash.
"And how do you program a VCR?!"
"This might explain why I kept taping old golf reruns instead of the latest episode of Pokemon Friend," says Ash, with a sweatdrop.
"Ash," says Misty nervously, "you're sweatdropping an awful lot, I don't think it's good for you."
Ash sweatdrops, then looks at it out of the corner of his eye. "You're right! This is worrying! Stop saying stupid things everyone, and I might stop getting them!"
"We're not the ones saying stupid things," mutters Jessie, and Ash gets a sweatdrop.
Suddenly the air around them shimmers, before going still.
"What was THAT?!" squawks Ash.
"Reality distorting," says Jessie calmly, "happens all the time."
*piku*
***
"JAAAAAAAAMES!" shouts Jessie. "JAAAAAAAAMES!"
"Deafening us isn't gonna help," snaps Misty.
"How else are we supposed to find him?"
"Maybe he got washed up on Cinnabar too," suggests Ash.
"Maybe he got washed up on Sea Foam Island," suggests Misty.
"Arbok, char," suggests Arbok, which means "maybe he drowned."
Jessie smacks her Pokemon over the head. "Shut up! You need to learn some tact!"
"Well, they say a Pokemon learns only from their trainer..." mutters Ash, and Misty grins.
"What are you insinuating?!"
"If you can't guess, I'm not going to tell you," says Ash. "I don't like that mallet of yours."
Jessie shares her mallet with him again anyway.
***
Meanwhile, Brock's managed to actually get up and is limping around Cinnabar, pathetically calling "Ash? Misty? Ash? Misty?"
He looks like a lost soul so the citizens of Cinnabar are giving him a wide berth.
Brock stumbles up to a dilapitated old building. "Cinnabar... House," he reads. "That's the place that's full of wild Pokemon! This is great, while Misty and Ash aren't here, I'll add to my Pokemon team."
Brock sighs and thinks how hard it is to catch any Pokemon when Ash and Misty are always fighting over who gets to.
***
"Here's Sea Foam," says Ash. "See, I told you I'm good at map reading! We made it!"
Misty smacks him over the head. "ASH, YOU IDIOT! THIS IS CINNABAR! WE JUST WENT AROUND IN A BIG CIRCLE!"
Ash blinks. A big sign on the jetty says "Welcome to Cinnabar."
Jessie facefaults and says "I think we need to buy a new map."
***
Brock steps tentatively down a marble hall. Marble columns, most of which are looking a bit run down, line the hall. He hears a slight crackling sound coming from some wreckage.
"Perfect," he smiles, "Geodude, go! Rock throw!"
Geodude appears and hurls rocks at the pile of rubble. The rubble shakes slightly, as if the creature in question were trying to get out, but then settles.
"Pokeball, go!"
A red beam is drawn from the ruins into the ball, which soon lies still.
"Alright!" cheers Brock. "Way to go, Geodude! We caught... we caught... we caught something!"
***
"Finally," grumbles Misty, "we got some decent navigation."
Ash and Misty walk while Jessie follows close behind, weighed down with compasses, maps, atlases and models.
"Why do - oof - I have to carry everything?"
"Because you're the oldest!"
"Great... oof... reasoning. Ehh, this is too heavy."
Jessie gives up and dumps the stuff on Arbok.
"Here, Arbok, be useful. Carry this for me."
"Chaaar, boka, kka." Meaning, "I have no arms, in case you hadn't noticed."
"That's what mouths are for!"
Arbok sighed as it tried to carry compasses and maps in its mouth. Sighing with a mouth full is never a good idea, and resulting from this, Arbok sent an avalanche of navigational aids tumbling down on Jessie.
Let's change the scene so as to avoid Jessie's wrath for a few minutes. I have a weak stomach and abhore watching carnage and rampaging Team Rocket members.
***
Half an hour into the future, our heroes have made it back to the dock.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR BOAT HIRE EXPIRED?!" screams Jessie.
Geez, you avoid one screaming session and move straight into another. Jessie seems awfully impatient and hot tempered today. More so than usual. Perhaps she has PMS.
"DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!"
Ah, so it's true then. ^_^.
Jessie scowls, then averts her attention back on the fisherman.
"You loaned us this boat and we're going to use this boat!"
"But the hire is three hours only."
"You didn't say that!"
"It's right there on the rental sign..."
"Well... uh, I'm illiterate!"
"Nice try, lady. If you want the boat for longer, pay up."
Jessie's not going to stand for this any more. "Don't EVER get in the way of the mighty Team Rocket! Goooo, Arbok!"
Arbok blinks, its mouth still full of equipment. "Kkkkkkkkkkkkkk," it says, which is a muffled version of "you must be joking".
Arbok moves towards the fisherman, with menace in its eyes, and proceeds to trip over one of the compass cords, tumbling over and over in an undignified purple blur.
"Bok?"
The navigational aids go crashing onto the dock as Arbok does not. The snake once again finds itself having a swim.
"That's the might of Team Rocket?" asks the fisherman, trying not to laugh.
"Uhh, we're not associated with them," Ash hastens to say.
"Ehh, stuff this," growls Jessie. "Pokemon schmokemon. This is much more effective."
She thumps him over the head with a large mallet and then steps back into their boat.
"Ah, so nice of you to extend the hire!" says Jessie, with a gleam in her eye.
Ash, Misty and Pikachu climb back into the boat also, and are about to cast off when they're arrested by a familiar shout.
"Hey guys!"
The travellers turn.
"It's Brock!" says Ash, happily.
"There you are!" says Misty, also happily.
"Oh good," says Jessie. "Now I'm even more outnumbered."
"Thanks for WAITING for me guys!" says Brock, with no little sarcasm, as he climbs into the boat. "But I caught a new Pokemon while you guys were away!"
"Really? That's cool! What is it?"
"Good question. I haven't actually seen it yet..."
The trainers launch into conversation as the boat begins to sail away.
"Chaar," groans Arbok, from where it's been forgotten and floats in the water still, and takes off at top speed after the boat...